How to Get Teen to Stop Lying

More Info?  www.addictions.net

Understanding how to get your teen to stop lying is a big concern for most parents. Teens typically start to stray from their parents as they get older and therefore trust issues start to arise. Most teens don't want their parents to be involved in their personal lives and that's what brings about the lying. That's why it is important to keep a open relationship with your teens throughout their lives. If your teen is an habitual liar, here are ten tips on how to get your teen to stop lying.

Have an open relationship with your teenager. Being open with your teen is key to stop keep them from lying. Teens who have great relationships with their parents usually don't lie and can talk about almost everything with either one of their parents.

Be sure you are being honest yourself. With a younger child you may be able to get away with telling lies and not having them notice but teenagers are a completely different story. If you are not being honest, then most likely your teenager knows this and that may be a reason for him lying.

Don't pretend like you don't know your teenager is lying to you. In doing this, you are just making the problem worse. Ignoring a problem does not make it disappear so you should confront your teen and tell them you know that they have been lying to you. Granted this is not guaranteed to make the problem better, but it's a start.

Don't belittle your teenager by continually calling her a liar. It may lower your teens self esteem level. You never know what buttons you are pushing by calling names so even if you are mad, try not to resort to name calling.

Don't be so fast to accuse them of lying. Since you are not a mind reader, you do not always know that your teen is lying to you. You may have very strong evidence against them but you should still listen to what they have to say. Listening is the best thing you can do to help your child, so try it instead of blaming them immediately.

Ask your teen what's the reason they lie. This may not work but asking never hurts anybody. You may get the truth because all they really want is for somebody to understand. You never know the reasons your teenagers lie and it may be built up frustration about something. As the Bible verse goes "Ask and it shall be given you."

Don't ask questions you know the answer to. Many parents try to ask their teens what happened in hopes that the teenager will just tell the truth. You shouldn't do this because it's giving them a chance to tell a lie. If you know without a doubt what happened, just confront them with what you know.

Give your child credit for being honest. If you show a positive reaction to your teenager when they tell the truth, this will help them to tell the truth more often. You shouldn't just brush off their honesty just because they usually lie. Award them and show them what it will be like if they always honest with you.

Let your teenager know there will be consequences for lying. When your teenager knows there will be a punishment if he's caught lying, this may make the teenager think twice before lying. If you do not set any consequences for their actions then your teen may never stop lying.

Always let your teenager know you love them. Just doing a simple thing such as telling your teen you love them can help them with their lying problem. Let them know that although they sometimes frustrate you with their lies, they always will have your love.

More Info?  www.addictions.net

Why do People Lie?

If you are truthful in a relationship, nothing hurts more than hearing a lie from your partner; sometimes knowing the truth may hurt even more, yet still, in the longer run, a lie causes more damage than truth. Mark Twain once said, "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."

Lying is not as simple as telling the truth versus falsifying it. It is deeper than that. It is not always about distortion or non disclosure of facts, it may well be about creating a whole new set of truths that only the liar knows of. Today, I reflect on an interesting topic: why do people lie?

It appears some lie for no reason at all, while many lie with great reasoning, some lie for a cause, and many build a cause to lie. It is not always about the flip side of truth. Sometimes, a lie stands on its own two feet. Upon deep examination, you will find that lying is a complex act, a complicated aspect of one's personality, it is more than a habit, almost a natural human trait. Here are the three primary causes of telling lies, they are not mutually exclusive:

1. To hide information
Anything or any relationship that can be labeled comes with a set of expectations. Whether you are a teacher, student, husband, wife, CEO, manager, son, daughter, friend and so forth, anyone at all, living in the society, you are expected to behave in a certain manner. When you traverse the boundaries, you are suddenly out there in the open, unprotected and vulnerable. You have to protect yourself now, you have to safeguard the expectations and save your relationship.

If you hide the information, if no one gets to know you crossed the line, if you are perceived to be within the bounds, treading only the thoroughfare, you continue to be a functional artefact of the social apparatus. It leads to a temporary sense of peace, a sense of match, of fitting in the society. You just bought yourself time, you did not have to put up with the arguments that might have taken place had you shared the truth. You did not have to hurt the sentiments or trust of the other person by covering up your truth. This is the foremost cause of lying. People lie because they want to avoid confrontation and conflict. Lying becomes the easier route.

2. A matter of habit
Often pursuing the first one, that is, hiding information, one gets into the habit of lying. When you repeatedly do the same thing over and over again, it becomes your habit. Perfection, carelessness, lack of detail or attention to detail etcetera are all habits as are telling the truth and lying. The habit of lying is formed, like many other habits, right from the childhood. Why? It must trace back to certain incidents during their early years or the atmosphere at home where speaking truth mostly ended up in an unpleasant conflict and undue scolding. When parents start to behave like kids too, it gives their children a strong reason to lie. By lying, they feel safe. However, this becomes their habit, their coping mechanism, their strategy to put up with all undesirable situations later on in their own lives. Unfortunate. It is incredibly hard to break the habit of lying.

Like many other habits of smoking, drinking, punctuality and so on, children also pick up lying from their parents, other elders and peers. If you lie frequently, do not be harsh on your children expecting them to tell the truth. They will not follow what you tell them to do, they will follow what you do yourself. In other words, they do not learn from your instructions but actions. If this is how they see you living, it is but natural that they will follow suit.

When lying becomes a habit, it leads to one of the two outcomes, and both are not mutually exclusive: the liar becomes fidgety with a wavering mind, or, they become aggressive with a depressed mind. Constant lying puts a tremendous burden on them to remember, to protect information, to bear the load of false information, to live the false identity. Over time, impatience, aggression, withdrawal, artificiality, depression, self doubt, low self-esteem, insecurity and the rest find a permanent home in the mind of a liar.

3. To gain attention
This third reason comes with a powerful revelation. It can help one gain attention, respect, power. When someone lies to you about an incident where he was the only witness, he now has access to information that no one else does. He has just created a new truth. Exclusive information naturally leads to greater power and more attention. It was not just greed that triggered the greatest corporate scandals in the world, it was also about an inherent, an innate, an obtuse sense of gaining more power and control.

I remember reading stories of a certain hunter during my childhood. This hunter would come to the village and make up stories on how he gallantly killed a lion with his fists alone, or courageously wasted a bear with just a small knife and so forth. All the villagers would gather around him to listen to his fascinating, if not fantastical, accounts of valor and bravery. He got attention and respect. If this formula works for the liar, he continues to lie till eternity.

There are some who live a life of lies, there are many who justify their lies, it is even possible for some to protect their lies, however, it comes at the cost of their inner peace. They may not lose relationships or respect, they will, sooner or later, be robbed of their inner peace, however.

So, if you want your partner, your child, or your friend to tell you the truth, if that is important to you, you had better encourage an atmosphere conducive to truth. If you are going to pounce upon hearing a confession, that may well be the last time you will ever hear a truthful version. It is for this reason, forgiveness is considered a divine virtue. Because by forgiving not only are you strengthening yourself and your relationship but also making a difference to the life of the other person and subsequent generations.

Next time you feel like reacting to someone's lie, just take a moment and look within you. A realization may dawn and you may find it easy to forgive the other person. On the other hand, if you are the one telling lies, just remember the price is paid in peace and bliss. Truth is bold by nature, and lie, arrogant. The former instills courage, the latter, fear. Truth stems from inner strength, and lie, from the inability to gain such strength.

If You Want Information on Eating Disorders and Dishonesty Check This Link

http://www.addictions.net/id283.html#.UGan2U3A9q8

Here is what is available on my website - I think it is very comprehensive and may be helpful information .  But you be the judge of that.  It may indeed be a glance into the brain of an eating disorder therapist...But you be the judge.

What is Compulsive Lying????

More Info?  www.addictions.net

There are a number of reasons that people lie. The first is fear. This is the most common reason that people may lie, and they are taking shelter from a perceived punishment. It may be because they know they have done something wrong a single time, in which case it is not compulsive lying. But if they are always in fear of being punished, it may become a habit, which is a second reason for lying. In this case, it may become compulsive lying, which is lying by reflex. Even when confronted by the truth, they insist the lie is the truth in this case. A third case is learning to lie through modeling. When a people see others lie, especially when they get away with it, they may become more prone to lying. Finally, people lie because they feel if they tell the truth they won't get what they want. Thus, out of the main reasons for lying, only lying by habit can truly be called "compulsive lying" or "pathological lying".
Increased lying has been seen with a number of psychiatric diagnoses such as ADHD and Bipolar Disorder. With ADHD people will often say "I don't know why I did that", and when confronted about why they lied, their answer will be the same. ADHD children also display impulsivity, and they may lie implusively. Bipolar Disorder can be associated with low serotonin levels, which has been implicated in impulsivity, which, as indicated before, makes a person more prone to lie.
Pathological lying, though, can be thought of as being associated with a select few psychiatric diagnoses, which normally have their onset during adolescence. Namely, these are Conduct Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder. In conduct disorder, it is common to seelying, conning people and other forms of deceit. In Antisocial Personality Disorder, there is a pervasive pattern of disregard or the rights of others, and with this, the person with this disorder will often lie to get what they wish – usually money, sex or power.

← A Classification of Lies and Confabulations		Lying Chronic

More Info?  www.addictions.net

Compulsive Lying Disorder

Compulsive Liar Disorder

There are some for whom lying is second nature. Such people are said to be suffering from compulsive liar disorder. This article discusses what is compulsive lying disorder, the symptoms and treatment of it.

What do you do when you live with someone who lies every now and then? Living with lies is so difficult in itself. To add to it, having to spend most of one's time with someone whom you can't trust because lying seems to have become his/her second nature, is all the more frustrating. Now, did the thought that your partner lies habitually cross your mind? Is he suffering from compulsive liar disorder? How would you tell that unless you know the compulsive liar definition?

About Compulsive Liar Syndrome

I would refrain from giving a single line definition of a compulsive liar as it is very important to have a complete understanding of the complex nature of the disorder. It is a condition in which lying becomes a habit with the individual concerned. Such a person lies with unbelievable ease and seems to find comfort in it. Even if he is provided with hard facts, he would never acknowledge that he is lying. In fact, making him confess to his lies is next to impossible as lying feels right to him. A compulsive liar would feel awkward in telling the truth and would have no scruples of conscience about lying to one and all and about any situation however big or small. In fact, like other addictions (like those of alcohol or drugs), lying becomes an addiction for a compulsive liar and serves as an escape from discomfort. The compulsive lying is not a disorder in itself but is usually a symptom of some larger personality disorder. This makes the treatment more complicated.

Pathological Liar Disorder Vs. Compulsive Liar Disorder

In both types an individual lies with great ease and at all situations. However, the major difference between a pathological liar and a compulsive liar is that while a pathological liar would lie to manipulate people, a compulsive liar lies more out of habit and never with the intention of gaining personal benefits out of the act. In contrast to compulsive liars, pathological liars are cunning and self-centered individuals who would lie to meet their interests.

Symptoms

There are certain typical compulsive liar symptoms that would help in identifying people with such a disorder:

• Behavioral Attributes: As already discussed, these people lie on a regular basis and with great ease. They can lie on any subject and to any person without considering the effect or outcome of the lies.
• Low Self-esteem: This is one of the trademark symptoms of compulsive lying. Compulsive liars lie and try to build a persona that would help them to come out of their inferiority complex.
• Compulsive Attention Seeker: A person suffering from the disorder needs constant attention and he uses his lies to achieve the same end.
• Addictions: Look out for addictions to gambling and alcohol in a person that you think is suffering.
• Incoherent Behavior: Compulsive liars often sound incoherent with their statements as they get confused with their own web of lies. This happens as they don't make false statements with the intent of achieving personal gains. It's just out of habit.
• Other Personality Disorders: People with this lying disorder very commonly have other negative personality traits like narcissistic personality disorder, better known as narcissism. They may also suffer from bipolar disorder in which they oscillate between depression and mania.

Compulsive Liar Test

There isn't a specific test to detect obsessive compulsive lying disorder. Although sometimes polygraph tests are resorted to, they test just the physiological changes that the body undergoes while a person lies. However, the result of these tests can't be relied on. The best liar test is one's own judgment. A good understanding of the syndrome and its symptoms is the best way to detect a compulsive liar.

Treatment Options

Compulsive lying is still a baffling complication for doctors who are trying to find some concrete cure for it. This however, does not mean that there is no treatment for this disorder. The first and foremost requirement for compulsive liar treatment is the individual's will to cooperate. As already discussed, people who suffer from this disorder are incapable of understanding that they are lying. It is near to impossible to make them admit that what they say is not the truth. This is the first hurdle that needs to be overcome for successful treatment of compulsive lying problem.

In most cases, the disorder is the result of some other psychiatric illness. The treatment of this illness results in curing the symptoms. The treatment usually includes medications that deal with some of the symptoms. For the rest, counseling is used. For those with no psychiatric problems underlying their lying disorder, counseling is the only option for compulsive liar therapy. During these sessions a counselor explains the impact of lying on the individual as well as on those around him. He may also use the technique of role-playing to treat the disorder.

Compulsive lying disorder in children is just as common as it is in adults. However, most of the time, it is dismissed as childish behavior. This disorder causes problems not only for the individual but for those around him as well. Compulsive lying disorder treatment is available. But it would be successful if only the individual volunteers to co-operate.

By Debopriya Bose

Becoming More Tech Savey...!

Tonight I added Facebook to my website so that people can share information from the site to Facebook or other social sites as well.  But also can comment too!!  Holy Cow - I am really becoming quite the computer guru....WRONG but it is getting better check it out 

www.addictions.net 

We Are Shifting Our Focus to Dishonesty & Lying

DISHONESTY

Hello All:
We are going to be focusing alot of attention on dishonesty starting middle of August.  You will be finding that our Podcasts will be including much information on lying (both for the individual and people who are around that person).  Our radio shows will discuss how people find themselves stuck in dishonesty cycles. 

For some - compulsive lying is a behavior that causes the individual enormous internal pain and distress!  This behavior additionally causes people surrounding the person lying significant distress, anger, hurt, and mistrust!  The shows will certainly be helpful for that individual as well!

Also, we have completed our Dishonesty Workbook to assist people recover from this destructive behavior.  We will be addressing each worksheet (of which there are over 150) one at a time through our podcasts.  Beginning the recovery process.

We will be keeping you posted here, Twitter, & our website as to when exactly we will beginning this new program.  We are excited about shifting some of our focus on this silent problem in our society.

Mike and Deb                                                 


                      

New Anger Workbook Now Available

We have now released our new Anger Workbook.  This along with our other workbooks are very helpful to people trying to overcome their difficulties.

Workbooks Now Available:

1. Eating Disorder
2. Dishonesty
3. Anger
4. Anxiety
5. Depression

addictions.net

The Lying Workbook - How to Stop

New workbooks coming this week:  Finally we are addressing these troubling behaviors!

'Begin Telling The Truth' & 

'Getting In Control of Anger'

addictions.net

Eating Disorders Illnesses of the Soul

We know what eating disorders are really about!  Shame is indeed a very crippling emotion often causing very destructive coping mechanisms that include eating disorders of all kinds BUT also shame causes DISHONESTY.   In an effort to keep hidden the self-esteem crushing effects of shame the individual is forced into a life of secret lies and behavior further adding to the shame.  This creates the devastating cycle of shame - rage - guilt.... 

Meaning We Attach to the Holidays!!!!

Let’s face it, for many people the holidays are part and parcel with huge amounts of food. We attach a lot of social and personal value to what, and how, we eat, often through family rituals or attitudes.

This is our culture dating back to at least the time of the Pilgrims.

For many, family gatherings are positive events, but for the 9 million men, women or young people who have an eating disorder, the holidays, without proper planning, can feel like nightmares.

Three out of four American women have “disordered eating” behavior, and 10 percent have an eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia nervosa or binge eating disorder, says Cynthia Bulik, Ph.D., in the UNC School of Medicine’s department of psychiatry and director of the UNC Eating Disorders Program.

If you have an eating disorder, plan ahead. Bulik and the UNC Eating Disorders team offer the following suggestions to navigate the food minefields of the holidays:

• Have a “wingman” – someone you trust to help run interference at family get-togethers or office parties. This should be someone who knows your triggers and can help distract you from temptations (or someone pushing your buttons), change the subject or assist you while you handle the stress.
• Make up a code signal or phrase with the wingman before going to the holiday party. If you start to feel overwhelmed give your friend the signal so that you can both step out of the room and they can offer you some support.
• Keep your support team on speed dial and call them at any time during or after a party. Talking relieves the pressure. You’re not overburdening them. They will undoubtedly have stories to share, too.
• Potlucks are your friends. Don’t hesitate to take a food you prepared that feels safe enough to you so that you will have at least one manageable entrée.
• Lavish holiday spreads don’t have to be the enemy. If faced with one, channel your inner Boy Scout or Girl Scout skills and be prepared! Before stepping in line, and before getting a plate, evaluate the options. Mindfully consider which foods you’ll sample, portion sizes and whether you feel comfortable trying a “feared food.” Make a decision and stick with it!
• If your treatment team has given you a meal plan stay on track so you aren’t starving when you get there.
• Listen with your heart, not your head. Hear the happiness and caring in a person’s tone when they tell you that you look “so much better.” They are saying they care about you. Don’t let the eating disorder lead you to misinterpret those words in a way that deprives you of hearing that people really care about you.
• Get real! People too often have a fantasy about how “perfect” the holidays are going to be. When family members fail to live up to unrealistic expectations, it might be tempting to restrict or overeat in an effort to feel better temporarily. Try to anticipate some of the possible emotional traps in advance so you can cope (and maybe even laugh) when you encounter them.
• The well-known HALT slogan works for any type of recovery. Don’t let yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired. This is especially important over the holidays.
• ‘Tis the Season to Forgive, so forgive yourself if you have an eating slip.
• Try your best not to skip appointments with your treatment team. It’s an important time to stay in touch with people who can help.

Source: University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill School of Medicine

More Holiday Help!

Holidays such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Hanukah pose unique challenges for people with eating disorders. Worries about holiday eating tend to fall into two major categories: (1) fears of familiar holiday meals and (2) fears of new and unknown meal settings and situations.

Familiar holiday meals
Familiarity with a holiday meal can be both an asset and a liability for clients. For many individuals, Christmas and other food-oriented holidays are a known entity. That is, they know who will host the meal, who will be attending, which foods will be served, and who will prepare them. And, for the most part, they also know in advance what will be the greatest challenges. For example, every year Brittany goes to her grandparents' home for Christmas dinner. Her Aunt Edna always makes pecan dressing with giblets, and it's always served with turkey and gravy. Every year Brittany is faced with platters of food and must decide how to handle so many choices. Because she has had her eating disorder for some time, Brittany's family members are focused on her eating and wait to see if this will be the year Brittany eats Christmas dinner. Brittany is familiar with this pattern and the many stresses it brings, and dreads it every year. The challenge here is to help Brittany use her familiarity with the experience to her advantage.

Planning ahead is the key to the challenges of holiday meals and should be started weeks beforehand. Advanced planning gives the client plenty of time for gathering information that can be used to develop realistic goals and menus. This in turn can really work to reduce anxiety about the meal. I begin by asking my client to describe the holiday meal in detail, including where it will be held, who will attend, and the foods most likely to be served. Then we list the foods and categorize each one as "safe," "risky," or "forbidden." Starting with the "safe" list, we then identify sources of protein, carbohydrate, and fat that could be included in a nutritionally-sound meal. After ruling out the "forbidden" foods and exhausting the "safe" foods list, we turn to the "risky" foods and try to incorporate safe portions of some of those. Next we assess how this meal will be assembled at the event. Will the client have to help prepare the meal or will the host prepare it without help from the guests? We talk about the importance of being able to decline some of what is offered without being insulting. Brittany needs to be able to meet her own needs without bringing excessive attention on herself.

Planning ahead is one key to enjoying the warmth of friends and family at holiday celebrations.

We then focus on the composition of the meal, including specific foods and estimating how much to take. A good tool is for Brittany to use her fist or palm as a way to estimate portion sizes. By doing so, she will always have her "measuring tools" with her, and we can also practice with sample portions in the office before the event. For example, her Christmas meal may be a piece of turkey the size and thickness of her palm, a roll, and a serving of salad the size of her fist. She can also plan on putting a spoonful or so of sweet potatoes and dressing on her plate to be polite, whether she tastes them or not. Food exchanges, established food plans, or a special food plan for the day also work very well in such situations.

Unfamiliar holiday meals or situations For others in recovery, the holidays may mean encountering entirely new eating situations, where they not only do not know who is preparing the food but don't know what will be served. They may be spending their first Christmas with different relatives or celebrating the holiday at a restaurant. Just as with familiar meals, gathering information and planning ahead are the keys to success in this situation. Much of the fear and anxiety come from what is unknown about the situation.

As part of nutritional counseling, we identify the time, location, hosts, and guests who will be at the holiday meal. If it is appropriate, the client can call the host or restaurant and determine what's on the menu. If the meal will be at a home, it's often possible for clients to bring a food item they consider "safe." This can be used as an "anchor" from which to develop the food plan. For example, if Brittany is going to her cousin John's house for the first time, she can call ahead and ask about the meal menu and offer to bring a dish. She may choose to bring a salad with a "safe" dressing,so that she knows she has at least one food she can eat. For someone recovering from an eating disorder, asking questions about the menu or bringing "safe" food along are necessary ways of taking care of themselves.

The rest of the meal plan can be assembled from foods known to be at the meal or those that probably will be served. For example, Heather will be celebrating Christmas at a friend's house for the first time. She has offered to bring rolls to the meal, which has relieved lots of stress because she now feels she has an alternative to mashed potatoes. From this food anchor, she can select a protein, such as turkey breast, and a vegetable, green beans.

If an unfamiliar restaurant is the setting, the client can call ahead and ask about their holiday menu. This information can be reviewed with your counselor and a meal plan can then be developed.

Fitting the meal plan to the type of eating disorder The strategies that we develop during the counseling session will vary, depending on the pattern of the eating disorder. For a client with bulimia, who has a history of bingeing on holiday meals and doesn't want to fall into old habits, counseling will focus on factors that contribute to his or her binge-eating. For example, if Alex always binges on the coconut pie at Christmas, we would examine what his eating pattern is like on Christmas prior to dinner. What time does his family usually eat Christmas dinner? When and how do the binges occur? What other starches are served at Christmas dinner? How can Alex change the environment to prevent bingeing? He may repeat a positive affirmation to himself throughout the day and enlist a support person to help keep him on track at the meal.

Many people with eating disorders may avoid talking about these challenging holiday meals because it is just too stressful. However, planning ahead and using proactive nutritional counseling and family support can help them develop strategies to make holiday meals bearable and even enjoyable.

The Author
Tami J. Lyon, MPH, RD, CDE, has a private practice, Healthy Living, Nutritional Counseling and Consulting, in San Francisco, CA

Don't Forget Our Holiday Support!!! 

http://www.addictions.net

Begin your recovery or share your recovery with us.

Check out our workbooks with 100's of worksheets to assist individuals trying to recovery from Shame, Dishonesty, and All Eating Disorders.  It is our plan to work with individuals through our radio shows on blogtalkradio.  Join us live and participate with us or listen to the broatcasts at your leisure.  Either way begin or continue your recovery process with our radio broadcasts utilizing our workbooks addressing underlying issues.  Feel you need just a little something extra in order to get a solid recovery moving?  Join us on air and work through your journey to recovery utilizing our worksheets.  Follow along with everyone working on each worksheet. (Find educational materials) @ http://www.addictions.net