happened. Not only did my son lack the communication skills, but he also didn't understand that the sexual abuse he endured was wrong and not a normal part of life. With my son, the behavioral indicators were present long before any physical signs of sexual abuse were apparent.
Sudden changes in behavior and personality may be the first indication of sexual abuse. If your out-going toddler suddenly becomes fearful or clingy, or your laid-back child starts acting recklessly, pay attention. Your toddler may have been sexually abused.
Sexual Abuse Behavioral Indicator #1: Regression
Regression often occurs with children who have been sexually abused. My son went from being potty-trained to wetting his pants during the day. He suddenly needed a security item and began carrying around a blanket.
Thankfully my son didn't experience total regression from his sexual abuse. Other signs of regression include a decrease in verbal skills, thumb-sucking, and a decrease in independence.
Sexual Abuse Behavioral Indicator #2: Fear, Both Specific and General
If your child suddenly becomes fearful, take note of what scares him. It could be general fear - things like not wanting to leave Mom's side or being afraid of the dark. These are the fears my son faced suddenly after being sexually abused. He did not want to be alone.
Specific fears may seem irrational, but they could provide clues as well. Fear of women with long, brown hair, for instance, may seem strange, but maybe a woman with long, brown hair is hurting your child. A fear of being left at daycare could be explained if your toddler is being sexually abused at her daycare.
If your child never had problems being scared before, a sexual abuse situation could trigger these fears now.
Sexual Abuse Behavioral Indicator #3: Sexual Behavior
This is perhaps the biggest indicator of sexual abuse - an increased awareness of sexuality. Depending upon the child's age, some sexual behavior is normal. However, if your toddler suddenly seems over-sexed, it's time to figure out what's going on. Chances are he's being sexually abused.
Increased sexual behavior was my red flag that my son had been sexually abused. My toddler started masturbating and rubbing his private areas against bunched up blankets. He started touching women inappropriately, often trying to sneak his hand inside their shirts.
With sexual behaviors, the most important thing to observe is whether the behavior is practiced to the exclusion of other normal childhood activities. If your toddler, like my son, would rather hump a pillow than play with toys, then it's abnormal and should be taken very seriously.
Sexual Abuse Behavioral Indicator #4: Repetitious Behavior
Repetitious behavior is an indicator of a stressor, including sexual abuse. Repeating a behavior brings back a sense of security for a child, especially if it garners the same result each time. If your toddler is repeating behavior, sexual or non-sexual, to the exclusion of normal childhood activities, there is something wrong.
Sexual Abuse Behavioral Indicator #5: Aggression
If your laid-back child is suddenly very angry or aggressive toward other children, adults or animals, he may have been sexually abused. Toddlers aren't able to communicate what's wrong, so they become frustrated and moody. My son became very sullen and angry, and it was a puzzle to me until he was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, stemming from the sexual abuse. A common symptom of PTSD is rage, regardless of the age of the patient.
Sexual Abuse Behavioral Indicator #6: Change in Sleeping Habits
A change in sleeping habits may indicate sexual abuse. Sexual abuse to a toddler will completely shatter her independence, her sense of security, her innocence. Monsters have suddenly become very real. If your toddler has night terrors, an inability to sleep alone, cries hysterically when being tucked in, or she won't stay in her own bed, she may have been sexually abused.
Seek Professional Advice
Behavior or personality changes don't always indicate sexual abuse, so be aware of other stressors which may be affecting your toddler's behavior. In my situation with my son, his change in behavior occurred shortly after his sister was born. Also, he was two years old, so I attributed some of his bad behavior on the 'terrible twos'. Sexual abuse was the furthest thing from my mind, until he came home with obvious physical signs of sexual abuse.
You know your toddler best, so listen to your gut. If you won't advocate for your child, no one else will. If any of these indicators ring true and you suspect your toddler is a victim of sexual abuse, contact a health-care professional immediately.
Over a third of contacts to the NSPCC about child sexual abuse are made by the child's own parent, the charity reveals today as it launches new guidance on how to protect children from sexual abuse.
Parents are key to reporting sexual abuse as the signs are usually less obvious than physical abuse or neglect, where neighbours or teachers may spot the signs such as bruises or marks.
The NSPCC receives enough information to refer nearly three quarters of contacts about neglect and physical abuse to police or children's services, but for sexual abuse this falls to less than half.
Parents may often hesitate to reveal enough detail to allow further action to be taken because in many cases of sexual abuse the abuser will be a relative of, or well known to, the caller.
Research shows that 80% of offences actually take place in the home of either the offender or victim. Some parents are also concerned that they will not be believed, or that they may be blamed for not preventing it.
Last year the NSPCC received a total of 34 contacts from people in Derby andDerbyshire about sexual abuse. Of these, 12 came from parents or carers with concerns about sexual abuse.
John Cameron, Head of the NSPCC's helpline, said: "Whilst we have seen a surge of calls in recent weeks relating to the Jimmy Savile revelations, we shouldn't forget that the majority of sexual abuse is committed by someone close to the child.
"As a parent, knowing or suspecting that your child is being sexually abused can be incredibly traumatic. It can be difficult to know how to begin to do something about it. We understand that reporting concerns is not easy, particularly when the abuser is someone that the parent knows and perhaps trusts.
"But to protect children, people need to act and we provide sensitive professional help and support. Even if they feel they have dealt with the situation themselves and their child is safe, other children may still be at risk from the abuser.
"When parents or others report abuse, whether it's the NSPCC, children's services or the police, professionals will work with them to protect the child, help them overcome the abuse and bring the abuser to justice.
"We understand how difficult it has been for the caller, what it has meant to speak out and we will help them to help the child in the best possible way.
"Our new leaflet (above), helps parents to take the difficult steps in identifying and reporting sexual abuse."
The NSPCC's helpline also plays a vital supportive role for adults who are seeking advice but do not wish to report a child.
Kam Thandi, a helpline team manager, said: "Many of the contacts we receive are from people seeking advice as they may not be certain that what they have witnessed is abuse and may simply want to talk through their concerns.
"We welcome these calls, and understand that people need to think through some of the issues they are worried about, and when abuse is clearly happening we encourage callers to give us the detail so we can take action to support them and protect their child. Our trained counsellors can talk people through the options available to them and help them to decide what course of action to take."
Teri contacted the NSPCC for advice on how to help her daughter recover from being sexually abused by her own father, "I got really anxious waiting and waiting and worrying about my daughter.
"Things seemed to be moving very slowly so I called the NSPCC to see if there was anything else I could do. I had already stopped the contact between my daughter and her father before she told me about the abuse.
"I was at the end of my tether because I really didn't know what to do or how to help my daughter. She's only five.
"When I called and talked it through with the helpline counsellor, he pointed out that I shouldn't blame myself for what happened and that it wasn't my fault. He showed me there was something I could do now by trying to be there for my daughter. He gave me ideas on how to support her and where to go for help and who to speak to.
"After speaking to the NSPCC, things got better. Now I'm more aware that there are people out there who are willing to help you and you really should not be frightened to ask for help because you're not going to be judged."
The NSPCC's new guidance for parents and carers, 'What can I do? Protecting your child from sexual abuse,' is available now to download at
www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents-and-carers/guides-for-parents/sexual-abuse/sexual-abuse_wda90715.html
Anyone who has concerns about a child or wants advice can contact the NSPCC24 hours a day, 7 days a week, by calling 0808 800 5000, emailinghelp@nspcc.org.uk, texting 88858 or using an online reporting form.
The service is free and you don't have to say who you are.
Parents are key to reporting sexual abuse as the signs are usually less obvious than physical abuse or neglect, where neighbours or teachers may spot the signs such as bruises or marks.
The NSPCC receives enough information to refer nearly three quarters of contacts about neglect and physical abuse to police or children's services, but for sexual abuse this falls to less than half.
Parents may often hesitate to reveal enough detail to allow further action to be taken because in many cases of sexual abuse the abuser will be a relative of, or well known to, the caller.
Research shows that 80% of offences actually take place in the home of either the offender or victim. Some parents are also concerned that they will not be believed, or that they may be blamed for not preventing it.
Last year the NSPCC received a total of 34 contacts from people in Derby andDerbyshire about sexual abuse. Of these, 12 came from parents or carers with concerns about sexual abuse.
John Cameron, Head of the NSPCC's helpline, said: "Whilst we have seen a surge of calls in recent weeks relating to the Jimmy Savile revelations, we shouldn't forget that the majority of sexual abuse is committed by someone close to the child.
"As a parent, knowing or suspecting that your child is being sexually abused can be incredibly traumatic. It can be difficult to know how to begin to do something about it. We understand that reporting concerns is not easy, particularly when the abuser is someone that the parent knows and perhaps trusts.
"But to protect children, people need to act and we provide sensitive professional help and support. Even if they feel they have dealt with the situation themselves and their child is safe, other children may still be at risk from the abuser."When parents or others report abuse, whether it's the NSPCC, children's services or the police, professionals will work with them to protect the child, help them overcome the abuse and bring the abuser to justice.
"We understand how difficult it has been for the caller, what it has meant to speak out and we will help them to help the child in the best possible way.
"Our new leaflet (above), helps parents to take the difficult steps in identifying and reporting sexual abuse."
The NSPCC's helpline also plays a vital supportive role for adults who are seeking advice but do not wish to report a child.
Kam Thandi, a helpline team manager, said: "Many of the contacts we receive are from people seeking advice as they may not be certain that what they have witnessed is abuse and may simply want to talk through their concerns.
"We welcome these calls, and understand that people need to think through some of the issues they are worried about, and when abuse is clearly happening we encourage callers to give us the detail so we can take action to support them and protect their child. Our trained counsellors can talk people through the options available to them and help them to decide what course of action to take."
Teri contacted the NSPCC for advice on how to help her daughter recover from being sexually abused by her own father, "I got really anxious waiting and waiting and worrying about my daughter."Things seemed to be moving very slowly so I called the NSPCC to see if there was anything else I could do. I had already stopped the contact between my daughter and her father before she told me about the abuse.
"I was at the end of my tether because I really didn't know what to do or how to help my daughter. She's only five.
"When I called and talked it through with the helpline counsellor, he pointed out that I shouldn't blame myself for what happened and that it wasn't my fault. He showed me there was something I could do now by trying to be there for my daughter. He gave me ideas on how to support her and where to go for help and who to speak to.
"After speaking to the NSPCC, things got better. Now I'm more aware that there are people out there who are willing to help you and you really should not be frightened to ask for help because you're not going to be judged."
The NSPCC's new guidance for parents and carers, 'What can I do? Protecting your child from sexual abuse,' is available now to download at
www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents-and-carers/guides-for-parents/sexual-abuse/sexual-abuse_wda90715.html
Anyone who has concerns about a child or wants advice can contact the NSPCC24 hours a day, 7 days a week, by calling 0808 800 5000, emailinghelp@nspcc.org.uk, texting 88858 or using an online reporting form.
The service is free and you don't have to say who you are.
Published by Heather K. Adams
