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If your child spends any amount of time away from you — whether it's with a babysitter or a relative, or at daycare or preschool — it's natural to be concerned about his safety. And like any parent, you've probably wondered whether you'd be able to tell if your child was being mistreated.
Some parents mistakenly overlook signs of abuse because they don't want to face what's happening. On the other hand, even when you do keep an eye out for physical symptoms and behavioral changes that may point to abuse, it can be tricky figuring out exactly what's going on.
"You're always playing a guessing game," says Kathy Baxter, director of the San Francisco Child Abuse Council. "A child could have many other reasons for acting out, being fussy, or becoming withdrawn. But parents are really good at knowing their children, so you have to try to put together a picture and go with your gut instinct."
Baxter suggests regularly asking your child questions such as, "Did anything happen to you today that you didn't like?" or "Have you ever been frightened at daycare?" If he's in the habit of telling you what makes him uncomfortable, he'll be more likely to tell you when anything is seriously amiss.
"When it comes to abuse and neglect, most kids tell the truth," Baxter says. "But in most cases, they are reluctant. They don't want to get the person in trouble. They feel guilty. They may feel it happened because they were bad."
If your child isn't very communicative, pinpointing abuse can be even more difficult. What you can do is keep a close eye on him for signs that all is not well. Some parents discover signs of abuse — such as internal bleeding and injuries — only when they take their child to the doctor because he won't stop crying or is being excessively fussy.
Some parents mistakenly overlook signs of abuse because they don't want to face what's happening. On the other hand, even when you do keep an eye out for physical symptoms and behavioral changes that may point to abuse, it can be tricky figuring out exactly what's going on.
"You're always playing a guessing game," says Kathy Baxter, director of the San Francisco Child Abuse Council. "A child could have many other reasons for acting out, being fussy, or becoming withdrawn. But parents are really good at knowing their children, so you have to try to put together a picture and go with your gut instinct."
Baxter suggests regularly asking your child questions such as, "Did anything happen to you today that you didn't like?" or "Have you ever been frightened at daycare?" If he's in the habit of telling you what makes him uncomfortable, he'll be more likely to tell you when anything is seriously amiss.
"When it comes to abuse and neglect, most kids tell the truth," Baxter says. "But in most cases, they are reluctant. They don't want to get the person in trouble. They feel guilty. They may feel it happened because they were bad."
If your child isn't very communicative, pinpointing abuse can be even more difficult. What you can do is keep a close eye on him for signs that all is not well. Some parents discover signs of abuse — such as internal bleeding and injuries — only when they take their child to the doctor because he won't stop crying or is being excessively fussy.
How can I tell whether my baby has been abused?
If your baby spends any amount of time away from you — whether it's with a babysitter or a relative or at daycare — it's natural to be concerned about his safety. And like any parent, you've probably wondered whether you'd be able to tell if your baby was being mistreated.
Some parents mistakenly overlook signs of abuse because they don't want to face what's happening. On the other hand, even when you do keep an eye out for physical symptoms and behavioral changes that may point to abuse, it can be tricky figuring out exactly what's going on.
"You're always playing a guessing game," says Kathy Baxter, director of the San Francisco Child Abuse Council. "A baby could have many other reasons for being fussy or becoming withdrawn. But parents are really good at knowing their children, so you have to try to put together a picture and go with your gut instinct."
Because your baby can't tell you what's going on, pinpointing abuse can be even more difficult than for an older child. What you can do is keep a close eye on your baby for signs that all is not well. Some parents discover signs of abuse — such as internal bleeding and injuries — only when they take their baby to the doctor because he won't stop crying or is being excessively fussy.
Some parents mistakenly overlook signs of abuse because they don't want to face what's happening. On the other hand, even when you do keep an eye out for physical symptoms and behavioral changes that may point to abuse, it can be tricky figuring out exactly what's going on.
"You're always playing a guessing game," says Kathy Baxter, director of the San Francisco Child Abuse Council. "A baby could have many other reasons for being fussy or becoming withdrawn. But parents are really good at knowing their children, so you have to try to put together a picture and go with your gut instinct."
Because your baby can't tell you what's going on, pinpointing abuse can be even more difficult than for an older child. What you can do is keep a close eye on your baby for signs that all is not well. Some parents discover signs of abuse — such as internal bleeding and injuries — only when they take their baby to the doctor because he won't stop crying or is being excessively fussy.
Signs to watch for
A child who has been physically abused may:
- Cry and put up a fight when it's time to go to daycare, or appear frightened around the caregiver or other adults.
- Come home with unexplained bruises, abrasions, burns, broken bones, black eyes, cuts, bite marks, or other injuries. Repeated injuries of any type can be a warning sign.
Keep in mind that signs of shaken baby syndrome (SBS), which most often happens to babies who are shaken in anger, can be minor or severe. (Shaken baby injuries usually happen to children who are younger than 2 years old, though the syndrome sometimes shows up in kids as old as 5.)
A baby with SBS may seem glassy-eyed, appear rigid, lethargic, irritable, have a decreased appetite, difficulty feeding, or vomiting. He may be unable to focus his eyes on an object or lift his head. In severe cases, he may have difficulty breathing, or he may have seizures, heart failure, coma, and unconsciousness.
If you suspect your baby is suffering from SBS, call 911 right away. Every moment counts in terms of the damage a baby with SBS will suffer.
A baby who has been emotionally abused may:
A baby with SBS may seem glassy-eyed, appear rigid, lethargic, irritable, have a decreased appetite, difficulty feeding, or vomiting. He may be unable to focus his eyes on an object or lift his head. In severe cases, he may have difficulty breathing, or he may have seizures, heart failure, coma, and unconsciousness.
If you suspect your baby is suffering from SBS, call 911 right away. Every moment counts in terms of the damage a baby with SBS will suffer.
A baby who has been emotionally abused may:
- Display behavioral problems or changes such as shunning a parent's affections — or, alternately, becoming excessively clingy.
- Have a loss of appetite.
- Have nightmares or trouble sleeping.
A baby who has been sexually abused may:
- Have bleeding or bruises in or around the genital area.
- Have difficulty sitting, possibly because of genital or anal pain.
- Suffer from urinary tract infections.
If you have any concerns about the possibility of abuse, don't delay action. The sooner you address the problem, the better for your child. Here's what to do if you suspect child abuse.
What should I do if I suspect my child has been abused?
Start by talking through your suspicions with your partner or a trusted relative or friend. Discussing your concerns will help you decide whether your child is just displaying normal behavioral variations or crying out for help. If your child is in daycare, talk to other parents who use the facility and ask them if they've noticed any unusual behavioral or physical symptoms in their children.
Then, difficult as it is to imagine, talk to the care provider in person. Bring along your spouse or another concerned parent or adult if you need the support. Baxter notes that many parents are reluctant to take this step for fear of what they'll find out. But the face-to-face talk is important because parents can hear the caregiver's explanation while observing her reactions.
Note whether the caregiver is able to explain your child's injury or unusual behavior to your satisfaction. Does she seem defensive? Is she concerned, or dismissive? "There's no typical response that you can really judge by," Baxter says, but an unusually hostile or angry reaction is a definite warning sign.
If the care provider is unable to allay your concerns, the next step is to report your suspicions. Look for a hotline number under "child abuse" in your phone book. Or try calling your local child protective services agency or the department of human services in your state, county, or city. If those offices are closed, you can report suspected abuse directly to a local law-enforcement officer.
After you make a report, a social worker or law-enforcement officer will contact you. He'll talk to you and your child about what happened. If you have not already had your child examined by a physician, the social worker can refer you to one, as well as to support groups and other community services.
Then, difficult as it is to imagine, talk to the care provider in person. Bring along your spouse or another concerned parent or adult if you need the support. Baxter notes that many parents are reluctant to take this step for fear of what they'll find out. But the face-to-face talk is important because parents can hear the caregiver's explanation while observing her reactions.
Note whether the caregiver is able to explain your child's injury or unusual behavior to your satisfaction. Does she seem defensive? Is she concerned, or dismissive? "There's no typical response that you can really judge by," Baxter says, but an unusually hostile or angry reaction is a definite warning sign.
If the care provider is unable to allay your concerns, the next step is to report your suspicions. Look for a hotline number under "child abuse" in your phone book. Or try calling your local child protective services agency or the department of human services in your state, county, or city. If those offices are closed, you can report suspected abuse directly to a local law-enforcement officer.
After you make a report, a social worker or law-enforcement officer will contact you. He'll talk to you and your child about what happened. If you have not already had your child examined by a physician, the social worker can refer you to one, as well as to support groups and other community services.
My daughter is enrolled in a local daycare center, and she's been acting anxious lately. Could something be wrong?
Yes. You have to respect your instincts, and if you suspect something is amiss at your daughter's daycare, you may well be right. But to put what you're feeling in perspective, consider that only about 3 percent of confirmed abuse in 1997 occurred in an out-of-home care setting like a daycare center, according to a recent report published by the National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse. That said, statistics offer little comfort if it's your child who may be at risk.
Top questions about child abuse
- How do I know if my child has been abused?
- What should I do if I suspect my child has been abused?
- If my child is abused, what kind of help will he need, and where do I go for assistance?
- How do I find a safe care provider once we've dealt with the issue?
- How do I make sure it doesn't happen again?
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